“My Dark Vanessa” by Kate Elizabeth Russel

September 24, 2024

This book is emotional, dark, and moving. 

This novel changed me and remained on my mind for the entire weekend. The story is a devastating, slow-burn unfolding of Vanessa Wye's victimization by her teacher, Jacob Strane.

The reader can predict from the beginning the consequential outcomes of the abuse, but Vanessa's realization doesn't show until years into her adulthood. It's agonizing to read what's unravelling yet remain powerless to intervene; much like life, we can only observe as others make their mistakes and eventually find resolution in their own time.

As we follow Vanessa's journey, we witness her mental and emotional evolution into a resilient adult who can process and recognize her situation with more clarity. It's a compelling narrative that keeps you engaged.

Russel also makes several references to Vladimir Nabokov's (1955) novel, Lolita. The book is reflective and inspired by several elements of Nabokov's story, as it's not only mentioned several times but considers similar themes of sexual abuse, grooming, and power dynamics.

However, Lolita is still significantly different from "My Dark Vanessa". Nabokov's book is from the pedophile's perspective and offers readers an exploration of his mind. Humbert Humbert gives his point of view as a pedophile from a self-pitying tone and justifies his actions. Lolita barely acknowledges the impact of the abuse on the victim. 

"My Dark Vanessa," on the other hand, centres its focal point on the social and psychological consequences of sexual abuse and grooming on the victim. Rather than just recounting events, the story invites the reader to witness the devastating consequences of exploiting society's most vulnerable and feeling violated and overlooked.

If I suggest anyone take anything out of this book, it is to revisit what it means to have compassion for victims. To this day, there are so many gaps in our understanding of sexual abuse and its manifestation in other aspects of our lives. 

In the book, Vanessa doesn't truly come to terms with the abuse she experienced until later in her adulthood. As a teenager, young adult, and adult, she continues a relationship with Strane and often visits him. She is distorted by the reality of her situation because the truth is too painful to bear. The trauma, rooted in her youth, runs so deep that recognizing the extent of the damage proved to be a long, self-destructive journey. 

From the outside, one may be in disbelief as to how a victim could possibly return to their abuser despite the traumas and betrayals they've experienced. Does that still make them a victim? Are they still deserving of compassion?

Yes. 

In the mainstream, we don't talk enough about how trauma takes shape in other forms. We rarely acknowledge how some victims reinterpret their experiences over time, often manifesting through self-destructive behaviours and cycles of self-abuse, sometimes without even realizing it. 

In some ways, I can understand. Beneficially, however, increasing media portrayals, like "Baby Reindeer" by Richard Gadd, are creating platforms that raise awareness of the psychological consequences of sexual trauma.

I think some of Russel's goals were to showcase an 'unconventional' victim and stories we don't always understand. She may be suggesting that we reconsider how we expect victims to behave following traumatic experiences, as revealed in her dedication preface: "to the real life Dolores Hazes and Vanessa Wyes whose stories have not yet been heard, believed, or understood."

It takes patience and compassion for both the reader and Vanessa to come to terms with what happened and maneuver through forgiving the past and ourselves. 

I hope this resonates with anyone reading it, offering a fresh perspective on sexual abuse—it's rarely black and white. The reactions of victims can be complex and unpredictable. Sometimes, those who have been hurt end up repeating the cycle, a reality I've known all too well. 

My hope is that anyone who connects with this story finds a bit more compassion and forgiveness for themselves, along with a narrative that reflects their own journey of healing. If you've read this book and can relate to the pain and manipulation depicted, just know you're not alone. Me too.